plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
