I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
