just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
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