So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
