i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
