My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
