My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
