The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
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