he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
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My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
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You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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