Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
