I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
