Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
