Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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