"it" just moved
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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