So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
