Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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