my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
And my parents said I crawled through the house
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize