you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
It's blow job season.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Randomize
