Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
