During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
