I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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