Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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