I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
