whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
