dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
