I accidentally burped into my bong.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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