im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
