I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
