just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
