what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
