you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
