oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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