Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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