you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
