I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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