I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
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