I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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