what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
