I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Randomize
