so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
You need Xanax blowdarts
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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