trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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