she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
babies were throwing up all over the place
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
