Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize