I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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