FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
