nut hugger
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
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