Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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