that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
