just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
