your parents love me but you hate me
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I checked into jail on foursquare
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
