I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
