doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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