If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
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