i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
