I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Randomize
