I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
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