is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
