sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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