You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Pants are for mortals
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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