How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Don't EVER smell your tampon
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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