Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Randomize
