I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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