I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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