im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Randomize
