i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
