I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
