I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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