someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
