i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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