he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
