It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
