connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
